Okay, so I've been feeling angst they whole night for some silly reason.
I am like last night, in the wrong place, with the wrong person and doing the wrong things. On both instances, coincidentally all 3 things refer to 3 wholly different subject matters. Which just compounds my FML life, because quite honestly, how can there be so many things in my life that are going wrong now!?!

All I feel like doing right now, is to get my ass to Japan (or London for that matter to do what I really want to do), and freeze my fat ass off. I wanna huddle in some thick-kick coat, waddle around like a clumsy penguin in boots, sit by the river and hold a warm cup of latte, (with the one I love sitting next to me and we're doing nothing but sitting in the comfortable silence of each other..) That image alone, is probably enough to give me some sweet dreams tonight.

Good Lord. So alas, I have no Japan nor London, no brr brr weather, no warm cup of caffeine goodness.. But I have fotos! Happy ones :) And so, I decided to post some recent ones that would well.. make me feel happier. Hope it's working :)



Remedies, you're killing my brain cells.

Edit: OMG DRAMATIC IRONY OF LIFE. iTunes with all its brilliance in the world, plays "The Remedy" as soon as I type 'Remedies'. LOL good way to end this post :)))

I won't worry my life awaaaaayyyyyyy

Ha ha hur hur.

This morning, I woke up with a rude shock when my little terror brother JUMPED onto me in bed, whineeeedd like his sister does, "I'M VERY SCAAARREEEEDDDDDDD!!" And proceeded to climb under my blanket to continue whining. Oh my goodness, like some small boy but he's 12.

And that marks the beginning of the "Moment of Truth" day - PSLE Results day!

LOL HAHAHAHAH I don't actually remember being THAT paranoid and worrying that I'll get 199 -.- Like, omg. 199 is.. okay nevermind. But then again, given my propensity to worry exceedingly about results and how paranoia is really my middle name, I might have been as, of even more, worried than he is now. 199 -_________- And he already got a place in a school. Talk about being paranoid! Gah.


That said, I wish my little brother would totally own me (I still remember that day and that 'moment of truth' with much fondness btw hehe), and do himself, and all of us proud :)))
Although he isn't going to a school which I've been hoping he would and continue flying the GBW colours high, I'm sure he'll do good anywhere he goes (even if he's going to bratty sch hhahahaha)


OKAY BACK TO OM. Lubs my lil' brother! <3

When the going gets tough, please never forget to remember to the little joys in life. 'Cos they are what should define your life :)
I lublubs my happy little (pseudo) family <3


On a totally separate note, it's only/already 12 plus in the afternoon and I'm dozing off in front of my papers zzzzz. And I vowed when I woke up this morning that today shall be a caffeine-free day. Thus, I have since resorted to 2 pieces of 60% dark chocolate. And counting..


My Statement of Comprehensive Income beckons. Ta!

So, it's 6.25am on a Saturday morning, and I'm in one of the rooms of the SMU Library with 2 of my fellow crazy mugger friends.

We have not slept since (save for a 10-minute power nap), and here we are surviving on mango chicken sandwiches, caffeine, and empowered by the fear of not doing well. Such are the lives of us Rafflesian muggers and it's probably a trait of ours that will follow us the rest of our lives.

I can't believe many days on and I'm still trying to tackle the hell of ACC 1002, which makes me stir in utter disbelief that I'm actually an accountant-in-training, and doing this will be my career. Epitome of FML.
Actually, accounting does make sense to me, but it is soooooo hard to reconcile (pun fully totally intended) that it drives me nuts. It amuses me how my balances of my financial statements can be way off by like, millions, and I have utterly NO idea why it is so. LOL ACCOUNTING, I LOVE YOU :))


Okieeee, enough of a 'smoke' break and it's back to Cash Flow Statements. I remember feeling my non-existent balls shrinking in the afternoon when I looked at the past year's papers and my mind went BLANK. Mind went blank and 'balls' shrank exponentially in size. That is HOW much ACC1002 is frightening the living daylights out of me.

I wonder when I will reach the point where I go, OH FUCK ACCOUNTING, I'M JUST GOING TO FAIL IT.

Fell asleep last night after I told Jon I was supposedly taking a 'power nap'. Lousy zzz.
Need to finish MAL in an hour's time.
Maid left for home for 3 weeks - pandemonium at home soon to come.
What I learnt from staying in hall is coming in useful: how to operate a washing machine.
MUG. F. A.
APEC Summit was a wonderful experience - deeply honoured and humbled to be there.
It's officially stupid to like bad boys, but I'm stupid like that.
Need to move everything out of hall soon. Where's the luggages?
I never knew you would still turn to me for comfort despite everything that happened. See you in 21 days, dude.
"2012" was typically Hollywood, yet still nice like that. Bizad to the Movies - SUCCESS!
Is broke.



Maybe it's time for miracles
'Cos I ain't giving up on love

I always appreciate a little me-time here and there. Being alone and away from everyone and the usual bustle of everyday is always, like I preach, good for the human soul. Though I generally hate it, I like how sitting alone in the middle of a busy setting and silently observing the world in motion and everyone in their own little worlds. It induces loneliness and probably precipitates emo-ness, but I like how I feel at the end of it all - happy and at peace beside myself once again.


Yesterday was a bad day - I got pissed, then disappointed and consequently jaded. I imploded majorly, and ended up throwing in the towel at the end. I generally lost quite some faith in people (but not to worry things like these don't last with me), and my mind started fighting against itself about how I should do things in future, and I started questioning many many things. 
Generally an awful day, as much as I woke up to a very lovely sunny morning. Looks like it wasn't that a good sign after all! :\


So, I studied for quite abit alone at Suntec Starbucks today, before Dezhi Kaili & Zhitong dropped by after accrediting. Btw, I'm going for the APEC Summit 2009 - HOW COOL IS THAT! :D Honestly, despite how I always like to whine about how busy my life has gotten since joining the club, it does have its perks as well :))) But when I heard that Obama was not going to make his keynote address anymore, I lost almost 90% of my enthusiasm for the event zzzzzzzzz. I wanna listen to Obama talk! ): But anyway, getting the pass to attend such an important event is already awe to the some :D


I am so tired. Time to watch some tv, have some dinner, and then it's MAL all the way till I crash tonight. 
Bai!


Make me believe in love again.

I think it still hasn't hit me just how soon finals are. The fear still hasn't sunk in and all I'm feeling now is panic and OMG my first paper is on the 23rd kind of feeling. But procrastinators usually get the memo late, you see. I can't wait to feel that pee-inducing fear so that I will work harder than I am now.

I HATE PROJECTS. They suck up a huge part of my life and deprive me of my time to study. I just spent a good half of my in school compiling and formatting the arsed ACC project, which is totally not worth the time and effort we have put in. 180 marks for 15%?? Go eat pangsai! And group meetings are one time INEFFICIENT that I got so pissed off just now. On hindsight I feel bad showing temper, but seriously?! Stop being so slow and NUAAAAAAAA, like we need to chop chop because I want to get on with my life I don't care if you want to continue doing this for the rest of the sem - I AM NOT INTERESTED. Grrrrrr

And I'm officially falling sick yay. 


OMG WHAT'S WITH ANGST-DRIVEN NIGHT? Sucks.

My only semblance of a life this week -  3 movies last night in the krub room with the best company ever. Saw VI is totally lousy and mild, (500) Days of Summer made me feel in love, and Zombieland was just - dots. The 3 of us snuggled up on the couch together and laughed and laughed at how completely messed up the show is. 
Nice.


Webcast and CCK beckons! BAI ):

I really can't imagine. I don't know since when I wake up in the mornings and look forward to seeing the bunch of them in the club room/lounge, think mugging in HSS with them is more fun than work, find lying on the couch with pillows and sleeping bags and talking total rubbish the highlight of the day.. Maybe it was since the day I joined the club, but I would like to think it was way before then. FOC, then Rag, then OWeek and all the random stuff in between.. I am SO glad that we're close to the 22nd (seniors) and although we call ourselves the Oldies and Young Ones, we're totally FRIENDS on the most equal terms ever. They are so can't-do-without in my life now I can't image life without my krub fwens <3<3

I know it might sound totally exclusive and elitist, but it's really the circumstances that make us as close as we are today. The countless nights spent mugging, talking rubbish in the krub room, htht-ing.. GOSH they are the reason I go to school. Seriously.


Photo log again! Hahaha more and more thoughtless entries nowadays.. Terrible tsk!

Compared to last year's quiet and boring birthday (which was spent MUGGING SEA HIST at SICC with the bestfriend), this year's one was comparatively a blast. Okay, maybe not quite as well, considering how I had lessons from 10 to 4, and Exco meeting till 6ish.. But it was fun because I felt loved and that everything I asked for, I would get. (But I think this happens everyday hahaha oops!) 

19 years is a long time of existence on this Planet Earth, but in comparison to the guys in school, I'm sure they will beg to differ. Honestly, after coming to NUS Biz Sch and subsequently joining the Club which is SO MUCH a part of my life now, I have never felt more like a small girl. I know they say we all grow up upon joining Uni, and I think I did to a certain extent too, what with the leadership opportunities that I have yanked for myself, but hanging with these guys everyday makes me feel like a little girl. Given my age and the fact that I behave like a little monkey sometimes, I'm probably the baby of the group. Which is totally awwwwww :) But I'm very happy and blessed where I am now because I learnt that you don't need birthdays to feel loved, protected and that friends CAN make the world go round :))))


So anyway, here's a photo pile of the birthday shenanigans that went on :) Nothing grand or huge, but enough love from those that matter which just makes a birthday perfect. While there were people that I was hoping could have done more or said more (I mean, it's a birthday and I'm a spoilt brat girl who likes love - I mean how busy can you be?!), I concluded that I'm just disappointed with them and I will forget about it soon. After all, my memory doesn't last very long right!






Thank you for the surprises, wishes and time, all of you who were part of my 19 years!

With all the love in the world xoxo,
TYL <3

Thanks to my new friends from Biz whom I never guessed would have such a big impact on my life and to old friends who have always been, and will always be, here.. I really had a great 19th birthday.

THANK YOU ALL OF YOU!

For remembering, for wishing, for loving, and for bothering to make me happy. You guys really did! :))

I met up with an oldest friend on Thurs night for a way overdue catch-up over dinner.

We used to be really close in the early years of our friendship, chose a path that on hindsight was perhaps wrong, and subsequently veering off each other's paths in life. I remember always telling myself that this was one of the biggest regrets of my life (and you know how much I loathe having any regrets) - losing a dear friend like that. I did treasure our friendship for many reasons, and regardless of how resigned I was with regard to it, I still believed that we had the benefit of history. Which would eventually help us renew our friendship again.

So when we arranged dinner last week, I was genuinely happy for the entire day, not because he meant anything special to me - I'm way beyond that phase in life - but because I knew that he probably cherished our friendship as much as I did. 


But hours before meeting him for dinner, I was in nervous fits in school. But talking to Jem and Eug helped in many ways. Jem said, "Before you go in, take a deep breath and tell yourself your real purpose for being there - to rediscover your friendship. And nothing else." That hit the right note because it was what I really needed to get me on the right frame of mind. Bye fear of awkz! 

And it turned out great! Inevitable initial awkwardness, but slowly when I came to the realization that I no longer felt the same for him and that I appreciate how we're in such different stages in life now, the awkz air started to dissipate. Yay :) At the end of the day, I figured that we have both changed so much, yet still the same ol' people, and I like it to remain that way. Finally.. :))


It's quite funny how life sometimes like to make a fool of us. When we wanted something so much, we could never get it - yet when we finally don't want/need it as much anymore, it just happens to be more within our reach. 
I never knew when the day would come - the day that we could both muster the guts to actually sit down with each other over a meal, but boy, it did! :)


And I remember walking home with a light spring in my steps, comfortable in the renewed friendship and relieved of the largest stone in my heart. :)


And yesterday was the birthday of my oldest longest bestest guy friend, who has seen me through almost everything in my life. Although we may only meet up once a month (or nowadays 2 months!!), we're tighter than anything which will try to break us. 

And so, for being you and because this post is dedicated to precious old friends, THIS IS FOR YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALVIN SOON! :)


 

Not to tell you

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say

So I’m hiding what I’m feeling

But I’m tired of

Holding this inside my head

 

I’ve been spending all my time

Just thinking about ya

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’ve been waiting all my life

And now I found ya

I don’t know what to do 

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’m fallin’ for you

 

As I’m standing here

And you hold my hand

Pull me towards you

And we start to dance

All around us

I see nobody

Here in silence

It’s just you and me
 

I think I’m fallin’ for you

 

:)

 

 

Walked into the club room this morning at 8 plus (considerably early!), and woke Eugene Chua up, who looked considerably pissed off. LOL hostile piece of shit! But I'm grumpy like a old cow in the mornings too, so it's okay (:

But unpleasant hostility aside, this morning I had breakfast with Mummy ♥ Nothing fanciful - just coffee shop breakfast with the typical kopi and milo, but that was enough to get my day going. And the thought of going home tonight after MNO at CSL makes me even happier. I need to get my life back on course again!


This week is going to be another hell of a busy week, but there are things that may happen that might just set this week right.
And I can't wait for 'em to happen :)


(Okay, I want to like this post.)

As I was typing the words "... to win the 5th Chancellor's Shield in a row..." in my Pitchbook material for Karen just now, I felt the grip around my heart tightening. I don't know how to convey the fear I feel, although we're still at the preliminary stages of everything.


Interesting thing I heard with respect to Rag today:

Mummy: "I think you are masochistic leh. You like to inflict pain and so much stress on yourself.."

DZ: "From what I have observed, you are someone who likes challenges. And that's a compliment btw."


Well, there are always 2 ways to look at the same thing right? (:

We really really need to stop gathering only at clubs, my dear girls! We should meet up one night for like, late night supper (since we are all only free at night) or some other night activity.. besides clubbing. Tsk! 

But anyhow, I'm always happy meeting them and the rest of the class guys. I MISS 7B ): Even though 21 yo guys and 19 yo guys are almost a world of difference apart, I still feel comfortable amidst all their retardness, childishness and how the bunch of us will always remain so. LOVE 7B! <3

I need to get back to my stupid boring FA webcast, so I shall photo spam again (:

Today is Monday, and today I self-declared a RECESS DAY. I felt like I fully deserved this break, as usual I self-justify. 
And today, this is how I spent my day:


# Bailed on a swim with Jem this morning - contingency plan is tomorrow morning 10am! Hope it works out well (: I need my 40x50 regimen againnnn.

# Met BFF again! :D Shoe shopping ftw! I don't understand we could spend more than an hour in a shoe shop and I can come out empty-handed. Looks like I'm getting more and more sensible by the minute! 

# Back to school to do club stuff, ie: send and get bombed with emails from various people, misc and huge affairs. FOP elections this Fri night! Say bye to my life (:

# "Inglourious Basterds" with some of the 22nd and the usual clubroom gang! The clubroom gang who doesn't sleep consist of Dezhi, Cam, Jaslyn, Xumao (who didn't go for the movie), and I. And sometimes Makmerrrr, but he has a home! We don't! Btw, the movie rocks! Like I really felt like my money was worth for once! Certainly beats failblog movie of the YEAR, "9" and other stupid ones along the way. Or maybe it was the company, but I love my gay buds! <3

# Went back to the club room with gay buds and Jaslyn (who left shortly after) to get some work done and send more emails out. SUCH IS THE LIFE OF A HON GEN YAY. And then when we finally FINALLY decide to go back to our rooms at 2.50am in the friggin' morning, we realized that none of us have the keys! Means cannot go back! OMG. It was so hilarious we spent 10 mins laughing at ourselves and our stupid situation and coming up with an ingenious plan that will involve the least effort.

LOL I love them seriously! What will I do with my gay buds? Like I was telling Cam on the way back to my room, they keep me grounded. They keep me from maximizing my KCS (kancheong spider) potential, and tell me to shut up when I'm being naggy and annoying. They nag at and scold me like nobody's business, especially when I'm ditzy and forgetful, but I still love them so! :D WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT THE 2 OF YOU (: I will probably forget everything that I need to remember (I even trust them to remind me to take my antibiotics), I will knock into every single object, I will get bullied by everyone, I will emo to myself, I might even rot and dieeee.

OMG TRIBUTE TO THE 2 OF YOU IS THIS. Please feel loved! I don't love people that easily (: (: